The Meaning of Intimacy

In On-Stage and On-Screen Performances

When we talk about intimacy, what do we mean?

Often, when I talk about my work as an intimacy choreographer or intimacy coordinator, people also want to know- “What is the meaning of intimacy?”

Here are 2 definitions of intimacy, plus my own meaning of intimacy. Please note- all of these refer to onstage/onscreen intimacy.

Intimacy Directors and Coordinators (IDC), the company I have trained with and am certified with, has a really useful way of defining intimacy- via flowchart! This PDF is a great way for directors, producers, and/or performers to decide if they should hire an intimacy professional. If we use the flowchart to create a definition, we’d have a meaning of intimacy that includes:

• Required nudity

• Simulated sex acts or simulated touching of genitals

• Intense kissing or other heightened/sexually charged interactions

• Physically or emotionally difficult material

• Specialized movement needed

The Canadian Theatre Agreement gives the meaning of intimacy on pg 34 as

…may include but is not limited to: prolonged kissing, heavy petting, implied genital contact, acts of a sexual nature, physical contact between a minor and an adult as determined in consultation with the parent/legal guardian, instances or direction where an actor feels that additional consideration is required and may also be an element in certain scenes of violence.

And this is the meaning of intimacy, as I defined it, in my paper on Motif Writing (LBMA) for Meaning-Making and Show Maintenance:

…moments that require personal vulnerability between characters, often involving physical contact…

If your dance, film, or theatrical project has a moment or more that fits one of these meanings of intimacy, I hope you reach out to an intimacy director or intimacy coordinator to create consent-based, safe sets, with excellent movement direction!

How do you find one? Most training programs have a database, including the one I work for, Intimacy Professionals Education Collective. If you are in Florida, check out the Florida Intimacy Professionals site. And, if you are looking for an Intimacy Director for a dance project, visit Intimacy Direction in Dance.

Hyper-exposure is the word that we use in intimacy to cover a lot of different situations. Here are some examples:

• An easy way to think of this is any state of undress for an extended period of time. I give the example of someone playing a corpse in the morgue in Law and Order or some other cop or medical show. They are not naked, but they are in a state of undress for the duration of that scene, or multiple scenes.

• Chelsea Pace, the author of Staging Sex, defines “nudity” as “anytime a performer is in less than they would typically come to rehearsal/come to work in”. This could also operate as a definition for hyper-exposure.

From here, we get even more nuanced. Like everything in this work, we start to say “it depends!” The following might also be instances of hyper-exposure for some people (and not for others!):

• Being filmed or performing without an item of clothing or accessory that has religious meaning

  • Or, removing said item during the course of a scene or performance

• Performing facial expressions and/or sounds that feel exposing, for example:

  • child birth

  • orgasm

• As mentioned above, states of undress that may not be considered nudity, for example:

  • lingerie

  • bathing suits

All of these are personal experiences. A performer should be allowed to determine for themselves their own levels of confidence and vulnerability, and have an Intimacy Choreographer on set or in the rehearsal room for these occurrences. This is why, when I do my script breakdowns as an Intimacy Professional, I put in EVERYTHING I think could be considered “intimate”. I try to make no assumptions about what each person is feeling, their past experiences, or their needs. Directors, producers, and playwrights shouldn’t either. What is “intimate” to one person, may not be to another and vice versa.

This is why it is so important to build a more nuanced approach to performance of all types. Our performers come to us with different experiences and needs. The context is always dependent on the people in the room. People need to factor into our decision-making for productions. What do the people doing this work need to be able to do their best work? And sometimes, (a lot more often than we might think), it’s an Intimacy Professional. The Intimacy Professional can help the performer hold their boundaries and help the director realize their vision, in a way that is integrative, honors people, and delivers an excellent story.